Guest 1: An Indian Love marriage—Side Effects of Love?

Hi All, this is Phani and by the request of this blog’s owner, Ramesh Potluri, I am posting a guest article. I was pretty apprehensive at the beginning when Ramesh shared his thought of making me the guest on his blog, as I dwell into diverse topics which categorically differ from what Ramesh relates with his readers (Read my blog here). But then, I told myself to take it up as a challenge and instead of choosing my own topic, I gave him the right to choose one for me. And upon his request, today I would be giving my little insight into whole saga of eloping and getting married or getting to know the taste of real life. Let me start off with something you all should be pretty aware off, but something I have realized in the last 3years or so. My first heartfelt appointment with an Indian wedding was of my cousin’s just a month before I left India 3years ago. Here are my feelings towards Indian weddings and then lets peep into the real world.

Indian weddings have always meant a lot of color, sparkle, exuberance, over-the-top displays of jewelry and an extensive guest list. Huge parks are booked and massive multi-colored tents are favorites. Red and white tents billowing in the wind are a common sight on streets with most Hindu weddings taking place according to astrologically auspicious dates; one can expect to attend one on any day of the month (not just weekends). Culture in India gives prominence to a wedding as a family undertaking as opposed to a couple’s undertaking as in the West.

Colloquially called ‘arranged marriages,’ this long-known and long-adhered to tradition has reigned supreme for nuptials in India regardless of caste, religion or social status. As the term would suggest, the parents decide whom one will marry and carry out all the necessary formalities and decisions accordingly with the fiancé’s parents. Recently, though, this core function that parents have for long considered their cherished right is beginning to see a shift.

Today’s generation is moving away from the totalitarian decision-making processes of their parents and trying gently to infuse their own opinions and say in their marriages. With the economy, education levels and co-educational institutions on the incline, Indian society is beginning to widen its boundaries and becoming less rigid in what it finds acceptable in terms of male-female relations. While family traditions and rituals continue to dominate in issues like marriage, parents are slowly warming up to the notion of the openness of choice.

Although getting married in India has long meant such traditions as spending a fortune on the occasion, agreeing to dowry demands and the exchange of large sums of money between families, Indian society is at the moment breaking away from the old order and testing new grounds with even inter-religion and inter-caste marriages and has promise of coming a long way from its culturally conservative past. While young people are more and more assertive about their choices regarding marriage, they are also supplementing their newly-found confidence with well-paid jobs and a monetary independence that is quieting many protests.

Today, many among the current generation are marrying against their parents’ will and accepting the ensuing familial discord and diplomacy as a necessary part of their belief in their freedom to love regardless of religion, caste and societal status. Evidence of this in modern Indian society are the many tales of eloping lovers, independent marriages, and the open discussions of homosexuality which has just slowly begun to peer its head above the water.

The concept of eloping is pretty naïve when it comes to the West. There are open forums and discussion on how to elope and avoid the spending on a marriage, or even to create an environment of privacy. Suppose couples feel the need to get married in a silent manner, they decide to elope. So, saying that this feed has gotten into the whole thing of Indian Marriage system is wrong. The prospects of a decent lifestyle and happiness are incumbent with the West after eloping unlike the East, where boy and the girl elope without an eye on the future.

So, is eloping a solution to one’s love and future. I say a big NO. A trend that has started with movies has driven its way into real life drama and created chaos. I know families who are distorted and demoralized under such situations. Being with the boy or the girl for 20 long years only to see them run away with some fresh look is heart breaking for the parents. Of-course there is a sense of retaliation when the parents do not agree to the marriage but even in that situation I feel eloping is not a solution. Try convincing the parents for the Love or do not dare to Love.

It can be argued that western societal mannerisms have crept into Indian society, making it rethink its traditional rites and be open to more flexibility and forward-thinking. At the same time, the majority remains deep-seated in its conservative beliefs, religious teachings and conventional wisdom of what an Indian marriage is? Yet, there are millions of couples happily married from Love or with Love from whom this generation can take notes.

Hope you all liked reading the post. Thanks. Phani.

P.S I am responsible for the topic not the ideas behind this post. Anyways, wait for my view on the same topic.